


White Xmas

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:24:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><img/><br/>Banner by stormy</p><p>All of Jin’s Christmas memories revolve around him, somehow. So it’s hard, to spend his first Christmas Eve without him, knowing he had someone else to be with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Xmas

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, summary sucks :P You just need to read it, I guess. Wanted to write something with the lyrics of White Xmas, because they touch me so much, and because it’s Christmas soon :)  
> Oh, and I officially have to apologize to Oomasa Aya. I anything but dislike her, I just needed someone to play the part ;) So don’t worry about it!
> 
> Insert Song: KAT-TUN White Xmas

I rubbed my hands together to keep them warm, slightly fascinated at the way I could see my breath because of the freezing temperatures. It had been a while, since I had experienced such cold weather. LA was nice, but sometimes, I missed the clearness of the seasons. I mean, what kind of Christmas was it without snow? It was not _real_. It seemed artificial, like so many other things in Hollywood.

As I walked down the streets of Tokyo, watching the busy buzzing around me, of people buying last minute Christmas presents and enjoying this special night with someone dear to them. I felt at home, but still, more lonely than ever.

It had been a while, since I did not have to work on Christmas Eve. When I had still been part of KAT-TUN, there had always been something going on – the shooting of a PV, or a variety show, whatever. I had always found it annoying, because it had kept me from enjoying a _normal_ Christmas day. It had also meant, though, that I had never been lonely.

Now I was free, to do whatever I wanted. But alone.

It was also the first Christmas in a while that I spent without _him_. It was weird – every time I imagined Christmas, Kame would eventually invade my thoughts. It seemed natural, to have him around, to spend these hours with him. He gave them the meaning Christmas deserved.

I looked up when a snow flake hit my cheek, staring dumbly at its twins as they fell down from the dark night sky.

**_The city glittered with silver  
as rain becomes snow_ **

_ 2007/12/24 _

“You are crazy” Kame chuckled, shaking his head at me, not looking as tired as he had a few minutes ago.

“Why?” I asked unhappily, frowning at him.

“Because we just spent 11 hours shooting a freaking PV” he explained incredulous, shooting me an amused look. “And I have not slept properly for at least 46, and you just decide to kidnap me as soon as we were done, driving me to Chiba in the middle of the night!”

“It’s Christmas!” I answered stubbornly, as if that explained everything.

“For no more than half an hour, it’s midnight soon!” he pointed out.

“Still, those few minutes count!” I shrugged, pulling into a parking lot. Kame looked out of the window, staring in surprise at the beach ahead.

“Why here?” he asked, curious.

“I don’t know” I murmured, slightly embarrassed. “It’s been a while. I felt like coming here.”

Kame chuckled, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car. I followed him, marveling at the way the cold salty sea breeze mixed with the smell of Kame’s perfume as I walked closely behind him.

“We’ve been here a lot, when we were younger” Kame murmured, his eyes fixed on the waves, a small smile playing on his lips. “Sometimes, I miss living in Chiba. Tokyo is always so busy. Chiba feels quiet, in comparison.”

I nodded in agreement, remembering those days he spoke about. As Juniors, we had constantly snug out to the beach, relaxing here, sometimes just lying in the sand for hours, talking. I really missed those days. When we still had had the time to talk to each other. It felt like, since our careers had taken off, I never had the chance to really _talk_ to him anymore. At least not about unimportant stuff. Not work related stuff.

We walked for a while down the beach, mostly silent, letting the calmness take its effect on us. It felt like some part of a different world. No people around that were always demanding something of us. Instead, just the peace of the rolling waves.

At some point, Kame just plopped down onto the sand, despite the coldness of the winter. I sat down next to him, my eyes fixed on the way the moon shimmered on the surface of the water, when the clouds allowed a glimpse of it through their thick curtain.

“Seriously” Kame murmured, looking up at me. “Why did you take me here?”

I shrugged, not looking up at him as I murmured, barely audibly: “I just felt like it. It’s been so long, since we have been able to spend some time alone. And you’re supposed to spend Christmas with someone dear to you, right?”

A grin ghosted over Kame face, and he let out a little chuckle.

“I guess that’s true. Still-“

“I never really manage to get a grip of you” I continued, interrupting whatever Kame wanted to say. “Ever since I returned from the US. I miss you.”

Kame fell silent with that sentence, and I watched the way the waves toyed with a piece of seaweed, always pushing it forward onto the sand, before pulling it with it again, into the deepness of the sea.

“I was not quite sure if you still wanted me around” Kame finally admitted, making me look up at him. He was playing with a stone in the sand, flipping it back and forth, creating traces on the ground. “I mean, when you returned, you had all those new American friends, and I was under the impression you’d rather spend time with them than with me. And I mean, I know they hate me, so-“

“Who hates you?” I demanded, frowning at them.

“Well, Josh, for example” he pointed out, chuckling slightly, shaking his head with a frown.

“He does not!” I murmured indignantly, frowning back. “Why should he hate you? He hardly knows you!”

“Then why did he call me Johnny’s faggy pet dog, and asked how many cocks I had to blow to become the leader of the band instead of you?”

My mouth clapped open, and Kame laughed at my shocked face, throwing the stone he had been playing with into the sea. I barely heard the loud splash as it hit the water’s surface.

“He did _what?!_ ” I demanded, my voice tight.

“Pi told me” he explained, still chuckling slightly. “Well, he also said that he was pretty wasted, that night, but still-“

“I’m gonna have a word with him!” I snapped, angrily kicking the sand underneath my feet. “I don’t know what drugs that guy has taken to say something like that, but-“

“It’s okay” Kame laughed. “Don’t. It’s not like it bothers me much what he thinks. As long as _you_ didn’t plant that thought into his head!”

“Oh, believe me, I didn’t!” I murmured, still firm on calling Josh out as soon as I got hold of him, but not voicing it in front of Kame. “You’ve been one of my best friends for an eternity. I’d never say that!”

“That’s nice to know” he murmured, smiling as he rubbed his hands together, both to rid them of the sand and to warm them up.

“Are you cold?” I murmured, watching him with the trace of a bad conscience. If he caught a cold, it was my fault, by dragging him here in the middle of winter.

“It’s okay” he shrugged, lowering his hands again, spreading them out on the sand next to him. Unconsciously, I reached out, taking one of his hands in mine, rubbing my fingers against his. He was cold, indeed. With that slim body of his, he had always been more sensitive to low temperatures than me.

Kame eyes were focused on the way I held his hand in mine, not saying anything as I moved my fingers over his, warming them up.

“I missed you too” he said then, quietly, and I looked up at him, catching his warm, familiar eyes. I only noticed then, that it had started to snow, when a snowflake hit his face, resting on his cheek.

I reached out automatically with my free hand, wiping it from his skin, my fingers lingering. I could feel a little of the warmth that was left in his body, from the point where I touched him.

Kame did not pull away; instead, he held my gaze, his dark eyes almost smoldering, and it was so easy, suddenly, to lean over and bring our lips together.

His lips were dry and cold against mine, but they still deepened my motions, kissing me back passionately.

**_I saw the future, bright and in the color of dreams  
on that Christmas day_ **

_ 2010/12/24 _

I shivered, if from the cold of the weather or the weight of the memories, I was not quite sure. I looked around, seeing the couples that passed me by, holding hands, smiling at each other, and missed _him_.

I wondered if he was with _her_ tonight. The thought hurt me even more.

_ 2010/12/19 _

It felt surreal, sitting here, on that variety show, without the other guys from KAT-TUN around me. I felt nervous, all by myself. What had I gotten myself into here? I had never been good at this kind of stuff.

I shot a nervous look to my right, catching the look of another fellow guest, Oomasa Aya. I nodded at her, smiling slightly in greeting, and she nodded back, barely meeting my eyes.

I had met her a couple of times, when Kame had been filming Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge. Her and Kame had been getting along well, and had held loose contact afterwards. I wondered if they still did.

I began to small talk with her, my curiosity getting the best of me as I finally asked: “Do you still hear from Kazuya?”

She glared at me, at the way I used his first name automatically, and I gulped.

“Sure” she answered airily, not looking at me as she continued: “We are pretty close, actually. We are dating.”

Her words hit me like a shower of cold water right into my face. Or maybe a shower of icicles, sharp and painful.

“Oh” Was all I could return. “I see.”

“I’ll tell him you said hello” she said offhandedly, and I just nodded, feeling like my old wounds were being torn open all over.

So Kame was with someone else now. He had moved on. I should be happy for him. Instead, I felt like I was bleeding from the inside.

_ 2010/12/24 _

I tried hard not to feel as I made my way down the streets of Tokyo, back to my car. When I finally reached it, I took my seat on the driver’s side, wondering where I should go. I had spent the best part of the day at my parents’ house, but it was too late now, to go back there. It was already past 10.

On the other hand, I did not want to return to my flat. I did not like it, spending time there lately – it seemed strangely empty, and made me feel lonely.

In the end, I just started the car, trying to convince myself that I had no destination, and that I just wanted to go for a fun drive. It was hard, to keep that façade, though, when I ended up parking my car at that same beach back in Chiba, that reminded me so much of Kame.

For a moment, I just stared at the waves in front of me through my front window, not letting myself be distracted by the way the wipers cleaned the glass from the snow. Then, I felt the need to get out and feel the sea breeze myself, hear the sound of the waves.

It was almost a relief, when I finally got out of the car. It felt like coming home – all the familiarity, all the memories…

I was too caught up in my own world to notice the other car parked not far from me. I just walked down the beach, not feeling the cold as the snowflakes hit me repeatedly in the face.

It almost felt like Kame was with me, when I was here. With a little imagination, I could almost see his smile, smell how his perfume mixed up with the salty breeze, hear his voice…

First, I did not notice the dark figure that turned up at the horizon, walking down the beach as well, into my direction. It was only when he moved closer, that I realized that his slim figure, and the way his hair whirled around in the wind, seemed painfully familiar.

I knew that it was him before I was close enough to see his face. And I think he had recognized me long before, as well.

I stopped when he was only a few feet away from me, taking in his appearance, my racing heartbeat hindering me from doing anything else. His hair had become longer again, from the last time I had seen him. It was back to the length I had always liked on him, and I wanted so hard to run my fingers through it, to feel its silky texture. I could not, though, and I knew that.

“Hey” I said finally, trying to smile. Get yourself together, Jin. He had moved on. I had to compose myself in front of him. It was no fair, to get all wimpy on your ex.

“Hey” Kame returned, and it was hard to read his face from the distance and with the lack of light.

**_I smiled at you  
on that sacred night_ **

“How are you?” I asked quietly, and Kame crossed the distance between us finally, taking the few steps over to me.

“Same as always, I guess” he answered with a sigh, his eyes glued on me, but not meeting my own. “You?”

“As well” I shrugged, somehow breathless. For a moment, I wanted to ask why he was here. I didn’t, though. If I did, I would have to explain why I was here, myself.

Kame nodded, starting to walk past me, back into the direction of the parking lot. As if out of a reflex, I followed him.

We were silent, at first, not talking. Kame looked out to the water, his eyes following the movement of the waves, and my eyes stayed on him, wanting to imprint his face into my memory. It had been so long, since I had last seen him face to face.

“This beach has something magical, right?” Kame said suddenly, looking back at me with a sad expression. “It’s so full of memories… Sometimes, I can still feel you, when I come here.”

His words made my throat tighten up. I continued to stare at him.

“Do you come here often?” I murmured, my voice strained.

“Sometimes” Kame murmured, and his voice seemed rough as well. “When I feel lonely…” He looked back to the water, but I still caught the glassy glint his eyes had gotten. There was no moon out this night, but still, the little light seemed to be able to make the tears in his eyes glisten.

Without thinking, I reached out to him – grabbing his arm, pulling him towards me, crashing my lips onto his. I felt a tear of his hit the palm of my hand as I cupped his cheek, kissing him desperately until he returned the kiss.

**_The tears overflowed,  
though I will love you forever, why?_ ** __

I was unsure of how we made it back to the car. I did not remember his lips leaving mine for even a second until I had unlocked my car and opened the back door, holding it open for him to climb inside. It was only then, that Kame broke the kiss to sink down onto the seats, crawling backwards to make room for me. I followed him, closing the door behind us.

It was cold in the car, as well. I could see Kame’s breath as he leaned closer to kiss me again. I awkwardly bent in between the front seats until I could put the keys in the ignition, turning them one time so that the heating system started.

It started to warm up after that. Kame and I were kissing desperately, as if trying to make up for all the kisses we missed this year. Or at least, that was what I was doing. I was not sure what he was trying to get out of it.

I did not try to think of his girlfriend, though, as he climbed into my lap, moving closer to me as his tongue moved with mine. Even if this was just a one night stand, sex with the ex, I would be okay with it. I was that desperate by now – I would take everything I got. Even if I was just an affair with that.

Kame unzipped my winter jacket, his hands running over the hoodie I was wearing underneath, groaning slightly in annoyance at the next layer keeping him away from my skin. I squirmed slightly, aiding him in taking off my jacket, feeling how his hips grinded into mine at the movement. I took in a shaky breath. It had been _so long_ , Kame’s weight on me was almost enough for me to lose it right there. But I was too stubborn to embarrass myself now. I finally had him with me, and I would enjoy it at all costs.

Kame shrugged out of his own jacket, when he was done with mine, his impatient fingers shaking as they worked on the buttons of his coat. My hands roamed over his thighs, feeling the tight muscles through his jeans.

When Kame had finally managed to get rid of the annoying piece of fabric as well, I immediately slipped my fingers underneath his shirt, feeling the warm, soft skin of his stomach. Kame gasped slightly at the coldness of my fingers, but slipped his own hands into my hair in response, undoing my pony tail to have easier access. I shuddered slightly at his ministration, pulling at the hem of his shirt. Kame lifted his hands over his head, allowing me to pull it over his head.

I had fantasized a lot about Kame, in the past year. The reality was so much better than my wet dreams, though. The way his hair fell into his face, the way his pale skin marked the contours of his muscles. He was perfect.

My stare was broken by Kame pulling my own hoodie over my head before pulling his arms around me, sighing as our skin came into contact. His warm skin in contrast to the still fresh air in the car was heaven.

We continued to kiss then, our hands roaming our upper bodies hungrily, as if trying to memorize every curve, every scar, every reaction. Kame’s breath was hot against my lips, and he let out a moan when my hands ran over his nipples. His head dipped down in response, his lips going for my collarbone, nibbling on it, licking over it. I let out a whimper, feeling how the electricity ran through me. Even if he had moved on, he had obviously not forgotten _everything_ about me.

There was not much room, in the back of my car, but somehow, we made it work. We managed to remove both our pants, without Kame only leaving my lap once. Well, he had always been flexible. It was one reason why sex had always been mind-blowing with him.

Only one reason though, because this night reminded me again of the reason why I had never been able to move on and forget him. It was not because of his appearance, or his skills in bed. It was because he was _Kame_ , the guy that I loved, and that could set me on fire with only one little touch. I doubted that anyone else could ever receive such a power over me, but him.

We needed to improvise a lot, during our foreplay. Neither of us had been prepared for what was happening now, so we were carrying nothing with us. My saliva on my fingers had to be enough as a preparation for him, but it did not keep me from being thorough. He was tighter than I remembered, his walls contracting around my digits as I tried to stretch them. I did not mind, though. It meant that, with a great probability, I had been the last guy to have him in months. Maybe the only guy ever. It made it all a little easier, to not think about the fact that though he had not been sleeping with other guys, apparently, he was sleeping with a girl.

By the time I was positive that he was ready, Kame was a moaning mess above me. He continued to kiss me clumsily, gasping into my mouth, sometimes murmuring incoherencies. When I was with him like this, it was easy to imagine that he was still mine.

When Kame reached down between our bodies, beginning to rub my erection against his in his palm, desperate for any friction, I finally slipped my fingers out of him, at my limit. I needed to _feel_ him, be inside of him again after such a long time. Even if it would be the last time.

I held onto his waist, steadying Kame as he lowered himself down onto me. I moaned, as his tightness swallowed me. It was almost too much. For a moment, I hugged him close, holding him still to keep him from moving. Kame caught my lips with his again, kissing me sweet and slow, until I felt like I could move without coming straight away.

I loosened my grip on his waist, only holding on to give him stability now. Kame put his hands on my shoulders, balancing himself as he began to move up and down on me. He threw his head back, when I began to meet him halfway, letting out a deep moan.

My eyes were glued to the way he moved himself up and down on me. He was so beautiful. I wanted to be the only one to see him like this. I did not want to share him. I wanted him back in my life. But I did not say it, because I knew that it would ruin the moment. Tonight was special, maybe because it was Christmas, but it was like some moment out of a different life, a different reality. Like a Cinderella Story. As soon as the clock would strike twelve, it would be over, and I would be alone again, wishing he was with me.

But for now, he was, no matter for what reasons. And I held onto that fact desperately, trying to draw this thing between us out as long as I could. I slowed down, whenever I felt that I was coming close, or shifted to change the angle. I think Kame noticed, but all he let out in response to my actions were low whimpers. Maybe he was already too far gone, to voice a real complaint.

I could not draw it out forever, though, as much as I wanted to, and when Kame kissed me passionately, catching my lower lip between his, running his fingertips over my collarbone gently, and I thrust in unwillingly hard, out of a reflex, directly pressing down onto Kame’s prostate. It brought him over the edge, and he moaned my name as he came, his walls pulsating around me so that I followed only seconds after.

I clung to him as the aftershocks ran through me, concentrating on the rhythm of his ragged breathing, and the way I felt his pulse against my lips when I kissed his neck, the way his skin tasted salty when I ran my tongue over it.

Kame seemed drained of energy when he finally managed to lift himself off my lap, sitting down on the seat next to me. Out of an instinct, I draped his jacket over him, and he rested his head against my shoulder, closing his eyes. I watched him for a moment, trying to memorize every line of his face.

When his breathing had evened out, but he had still not moved, I figured that he had drifted off to sleep. I wondered if he had been overworking himself again, lately. He was prone to doing that.

I continued to stare at him, too stubborn to fall asleep myself, until he moved in his slumber, lifting his head off my shoulder, turning to his side, facing away from me now. I stared at his exposed shoulder, wondering what I was doing here. How could I have ever have let it come this far? When had I become that pathetic, and weak?

**_Now the snow dances as it falls,  
and at the sky far beyond here_ ** ****

I wiped at the misted window next to me, seeing that it was snowing harder now. The white looked beautiful in the dark. I wondered if she was waiting for him right now. You were supposed to spend Christmas with someone dear to you, right? He probably had planned to meet up with her. I had probably caught him in a nostalgic moment, and kept him.

I felt sick, suddenly. I had never considered what it would feel like, to just be the number 2 for the person you loved. I never did have to doubt with Kame, when we were still a couple. He had always showed me exactly how much I had meant to him.

It was my own fault, that it had come to this now, and it hurt like hell.

**_someone new is waiting,  
while I am holding on to a feeling that will never fade_ ** __

_ 2008/12/24 _

I woke up with my face smashed into the silky pillow of our hotel bed. For a moment, I felt too comfortable to move, until I realized that the warm, slim body that had been in my arms as I had fallen asleep was gone.

I turned with a grown, opening my eyes, frowning as I tried to make out shapes in the darkness.

It was then, that I realized that one of the curtains hung open, and Kame was sitting on the wide windowsill, wrapped in a bathrobe. He smiled at me from his position, watching me as I tossed in the bed.

“Come back to bed” I whined, and he chuckled, looking out of the window again.

“It started to snow” he pointed out, watching the snow falling down on the city with fascination, and I groaned.

“I don’t _fucking care_ ” I murmured testily, throwing a pillow at him. Kame caught it with a grin, apparently not intending to move.

In the end, I gave in, getting up from the bed, wrapping my naked body in the blanket before I crossed the distance to him, sitting down behind him on the windowsill, pulling him into my arms. Kame leaned back, smiling as he snuggled against my chest, looking out of the window still. I followed his gaze, realizing that it was indeed a beautiful sight.

“Thank you for kidnapping me from the office and taking me here. The second year in a row.” He teased.

“That’s my job” I chuckled, nuzzling my nose into his neck, breathing in his scent. “Merry Christmas”

“Merry Christmas” he returned with a smile, though his English was not as clear as mine.

We just sat there for a few minutes, watching the snow fall down onto the city outside in silence, and I played with the chain around his neck, the one that I had given him as I Christmas present earlier.

“Can I make a wish?” he asked after a while, his voice low and relaxed, the way I liked it best.

“Uhum” I just breathed into his neck. Kame turned his head, looking at me, catching my eyes.

“Stay with me” he whispered softly. “Just like this. For every Christmas that will come from now on. Forever.”

I smiled, catching a strand of his hair between my fingers, playing with it.

“Deal” I nodded. “I love you.”

Kame beamed, before he leaned over to kiss me.

**_We smiled at each other in those days,  
we were not afraid of anything_ **

_ 2009/12/24 _

“I’m sorry, okay?!” I murmured, my voice desperate as I clung to the steering wheel in my hands, though I was not driving anymore. My car had been parked in front of Kame’s apartment for almost an hour now, and our conversation had not moved the least bit either, ever since we started it back in the dressing room of the shooting of our new PV. Ever since Kame had overheard me talking to the manager about leaving for America. “I did want to tell you, really, I-“

“We’ve been there, Jin” Kame murmured, seeming tired. “Stop talking in circles.”

I sighed, resting my head against the steering wheel, not having a clue about what to do or what to say. We had yelled, tried to talk calmly and reasonably, had yelled again, ended up in tears, but still, our positions had not changed.

“You know I always wanted to do this, Kame” I murmured, my throat tight again. “It’s Hollywood, it’s my dream.”

“If that dream is that important to you, then go” Kame whispered, his voice rough, and though he did not say it, I knew what he meant. _If that dream is more important to you than I am._

“Why can’t you just support me in this?!” I groaned, sitting back at him, looking up at him.

“You’re telling me that you’re leaving me” he answered, gulping. “And you want my support?!”

“This doesn’t have to be the end of us!” I yelled, angry again.

“But it is” Kame murmured, his voice so low I almost didn’t catch it.

“Why?!” I demanded, my voice breaking. “Don’t you trust me?”

“How can I trust you if you lied to me for month?!” Kame groaned, and I saw how another tear slipped past his eye lids. “Maybe this is just not meant to be. It probably never was. It isn’t supposed to be that difficult, you know? If two people love each other, it’s supposed to be easy. Not like _this_.”

“It was never easy between us” I pointed out. “But you still can’t just give up like that!”

“You gave up long before I did” he murmured. “Our last song has been played, Jin. Both with KAT-TUN, and with us. Accept it.”

With that, he opened the passenger door, and left.

**_But I hurt your kindness,  
on that day of Christmas_ **

_ 2010/12/24 _

I had not realized, how right Kame had been, until I had been in America. I had indeed chosen my dream over him, but I had not considered that it would be that hard without him. They say people can’t fly without wings. Kame had been my wings, and now, no matter how hard I had tried to take every chance I got, to do what I always wanted to do – it felt meaningless. Empty. To the point where I wondered what I was even doing there, and why I had wanted to throw everything away for it.

I had had a happy life. Blissful, even. And it had meant much more than my life since I had left him.

**_I searched for dream and hope,  
and I found nothing but lost_ **

I bit my lip, trying to hold in my tears as I quietly got dressed, careful not to wake Kame. I felt like I was suffocating, in that car with him. Finally, I opened the door next to me, stepping out, blinking against the snowflakes that hit my face. I quickly closed the door behind me, afraid that the cold breeze would wake him.

I started walking, back to the beach, as the first tear ran down my face. I hoped that he would wake up soon, and leave without waiting for me. He had someone waiting for him, after all.

As much as I wished that I could hold into him, keep him with me, I knew that I couldn’t. No matter how much it hurt.

**_The sky I look up to is too high,  
I cannot hold on to it even if I can reach it, Why?_ **

I walked further down the beach, trying to tell myself that it was time to let him go. _Really_ let him go. Let him become happy with that girl. He had a right to be happy, without me interfering all the time. Without me turning up and sabotaging his new relationship.

I stopped, standing, watching the snow whirl around me, before hovering down, sobbing into my knees.

**_Now the snow dances as it falls,  
the unhesitating feeling of those days_ **

_ 2006/12/24 _

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” I called into the phone, snickering as Kame flinched against the loudness of my voice in the other side of the line.

“Jin” he groaned. “First, Christmas is already over, in Japan. Second, it’s the middle of the night here. What the heck?!”

“Don’t be so cold!” I pouted. “I wanted to hear your voice, idiot!”

“ _Idiot_ ’s got to work tomorrow” Kame pointed out, grumpy. “ _Idiot_ has got to keep your damn band going while you are in LA, having the time of your life!” When I didn’t answer, only pouting to myself, Kame sighed, apparently giving him. “So, how is everything going?”

“Great” I grinned, diving into a detailed description of everything that had been fascinating me so much here in the US, trying to share all of this with my friend, if only through the phone. “I’m missing the snow, though!” I frowned to myself after a while, and Kame chuckled.

“The snow?” he repeated.

“Yes!” I said indignantly. “Christmas without snow is just not the same!”

“Well, if the snow is the only thing you’ve been missing, I’d better hang up now!” he snickered.

“Don’t!” I called. “Why do you think I called?!”

“To rob me of sleep?”

“Gosh, I even miss Taguchi’s stupid jokes!” I groaned, shaking my head at myself. “It’s not the same without you guys.” _Without you_ , I added in my thoughts. “You should come over. I wish I could show you everything.”

“Can’t. Too busy.” Kame sighed, like I knew he would. “But it’s good, to hear that you like it so much over there” he said finally, his voice a little gentler. “It makes it harder to be mad at you for leaving.”

“I’m happy here” I nodded, frowning. “But I guess I’ll be back soon, anyways.”

“I won’t believe that until you’re here.”

“Just wait!” I threatened, and Kame laughed. It sounded like music in my ears.

**_continue on to a new tomorrow,  
a story that will never return_ **

_ 2010/12/24 _

It was hard, stopping the tears that were running down my face, as I remembered those days. Kame had always been supportive of me. Always said that it was most important that I was happy. So why could I not do the same for him?

 _Because I loved him_. I had always been possessive. I wanted him to be mine, and no one else’s. I _needed_ him around.

I let out another sob, lifting my palm to my mouth to cover my mouth, trying to keep the noise I made to a minimum.

Until, suddenly, two arms firmly wrapped around me from behind.

**_Even though I will wonder as I start walking,  
but the snowflakes that melted in my hand_ **

“Why did you go?” Kame whispered, his voice soft and hesitant. “Do you want to leave me again?”

“Why did you follow me?” I shot back, not answering. “Don’t you want to be with Oomasa-San?”

There was a short silence, and Kame let go of me, moving until he was hovering right in front of me, looking into my eyes.

“What?” he asked, confused but patient.

“Oomasa-San” I repeated, almost choking. “Your girlfriend.”

Kame blinked, still looking puzzled.

“Okay, Jin, you’re not making sense!”

“What are you talking about?!” I demanded, rolling my eyes at him. And I was supposed to be the slow one. “She told me you two were dating!”

“Oh, she did?” he asked, raising an eye brow.

“YES!”

“Well, then she lied.”

I fell quiet immediately, staring at him.

“What?” I asked, my voice low.

Kame smiled slightly, reaching out to wipe my damp hair from where it clung to my face. The snowflakes that had caught in it were steadily melting.

“I don’t know what exactly she told you” he said quietly, just loud enough so that I could hear him over the sound of the waves and the wind. “But I rejected her. She asked me out, and I said no, because I am still in love with you. I told her I could not forget you, so I could not be with her. Apparently, she did not take it well” he added, frowning to himself. “That was probably her revenge.”

“So – so you are not in a relationship?” I asked, stunned, before adding: “You still _love me_?!”

“Why did you think I slept with you, idiot!” he rolled his eyes, hitting me on my forehead. “Do you think I sleep around?!”

“Of course not!” I yelped, biting my lip. “I just…” I let the sentence hang in the air, embarrassed.

**_will probably come back again someday  
and ascertain my heart_ ** __

Kame sighed, and his face turned serious again. He caught my gaze, before speaking.

“Listen, I might have been irrational, when I broke up with you like that. I was hurt, hurt that you were leaving me and not even telling me about it, so I thought it was for the best. That you could not hurt me any longer, when I ended it myself. It was only when you were gone, that I noticed that I was hurting myself most with the break up.”

“Kame” I murmured, reaching out to touch his cheek.

“I need you” Kame said firmly, still holding my gaze. “And I love you enough to try to make this work. Even through the distance, and all the obstacles.”

“So you’re giving me another chance?” I whispered, almost not daring to believe what he was saying.

“I guess it’s me, who’s granted another chance” he murmured, but before he could continue, I had already pulled him into my arms. The force of Kame’s weight pulled me backwards, though, and I fell onto the sand, taking Kame with me.

“I love you” I whispered, holding him close to me, not allowing him to move from his position, crouched on top of me.

“Me too, baka” he murmured, resting his head against my chest, giving up for now.  “Merry Christmas!”

I smiled, grinning as I returned: “Merry Christmas!”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: http://vflmaeuschen.blog.com/2011/12/11/one-shot-white-xmas/


End file.
